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Signs to Look for in a Battering Personality (Continued)
9. Cruelty to animals or children. Abusers may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain or suffering. An abuser may expect children to be capable of things beyond their abilities (e.g. punishes a 2 year old for wetting a diaper). He may tease children until they cry. Some studies indicate that about 60% of men who physically abuse their partners also abuse their children.
10. Sexual abuse. An abuser may physically assault private parts of a woman's body. He may show little concern about whether the woman wants to have sex and use violence to coerce her into having sex with him. He may begin having sex with his partner while she is sleeping. He may force her to do sexual acts that she finds uncomfortable, unpleasant, or degrading. He may demand sex after beating her.
11. Verbal abuse. In addition to saying things that are intentionally meant to be cruel and hurtful, verbal abuse is also apparent in the abuser's degrading of his partner, cursing her, and belittling her accomplishments. The abuser tells her she is stupid and unable to function without him. This may involve waking her up to verbally abuse her or not letting her go to sleep.
12. Rigid sex roles. The abuser expects his partner to serve him. He may even say the woman must stay at home and obey in all things - even acts that are criminal in nature. The abuser sees women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
13. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality. Many women are confused by the abuser's sudden changes in mood. She may think he has some sort of mental problem because one minute he's agreeable, the next he's exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of men who beat their partners. These behaviors are related to other characteristics, such as hypersensitivity.
14. Past battering. The abuser may say he has hit women in the past, but blame them for the abuse (e.g., "they made me do it"). The woman may hear from relatives or ex-partners that he is abusive. A batterer will abuse any woman he is with if the relationship lasts long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not make one's personality abusive.
15. Threats of violence. This includes any threat of physical force meant to control the partner. "I'll slap your mouth off,
"I'll kill you," "I'll break your neck." Most people do not threaten their partners. Abusers will try to excuse their threats by saying that everybody talks that way.
16. Breaking or striking objects. Breaking loved possessions is used as a punishment, but mostly to terrorize the woman into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with his fist, or throw objects around or near his partner. There is great danger when someone thinks he has the right to punish or frighten his partner.
17. Any force during an argument. This may involve the abuser's holding the woman down, physically restraining her from leaving the room, or any pushing or shoving. He may hold his partner against the wall, telling her, "You're going to listen to me."
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